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Everything posted by Misuzu

  1. 17/JAN/2021 Just like he promised, Dad's come to pick me up. 7pm, right on the dot. One of the nurses helped me get dressed and sort out my stuff earlier, so I'm pretty much all ready to go. I've already got myself seated on the side of the bed. I at least want to show him I'm trying, and plus.. I don't want him to think I'm struggling too much. In the end, he has to help me get up anyway.. I've still not mastered the art of getting up with ease. It took me 5 tries last night, and that was with my stomach feeling like it'd just gone through the process of a blender. He
  2. 16/JAN/2021 Today's been a rollercoaster. I spent most of this morning finally managing to get what I'd consider to be decent sleep. I think I'm at the point where I just want to knock myself out of it until this appointment is over and done with, or even avoid it possibly in an ideal world, but no such luck exists under these circumstances. I don't know why, but my mood just feels super down today to the point I just started randomly crying to myself earlier. Thankfully, none of the staff were in to see, but it was so annoying.. I'm sort of just staring at
  3. 14/JAN/2021 I would've thought, and hoped, with everything, that last night would've been a good night of sleep, but with people coming to check in on you so often - such a thing feels near impossible. Every time they come in, they always ask me how I'm doing, if there's anything I need. I don't have the right to complain about anything right now, even if I do feel this way. Rico called me this morning as promised. It wasn't long of a phone call, but.. he called. You can still tell he doesn't sound right. I don't blame him.. Later in the evening, I try calling him sever
  4. 13/JAN/2021 (PART II) I knew I regretted it the moment I let my hand go of the railings. But by the time I realized it, it was too late. Still, somewhere in the back of my mind, it doesn't feel like any of yesterday happened, but maybe that's because I'm wishing too much that it didn't. I don't understand it. I don't understand any of it. I broke a door. I shouted at Dexter. I assaulted my own Dad. I became it. The first thing I begin recognizing again is Lani's voice. It takes me a few moments to readjust myself. Even though my eyes are closed, everything feels so di
  5. 13/JAN/2021 (PART I) It's been done. The one thing I thought I was too cowardly to ever do. The one thing I thought would never happen. I did it. The day started off good. Great, even. Rico and I went to go get my hair finally cut. It felt strange since it's been so long, but it was nice. It'll just take me a while to get used to, I thought. After that, like he promised we would, we both went to the car dealership. It took me a while, but I managed to find one I liked. In truth, I didn't mind much as long as it kept me safe and got me where I wanted or need
  6. SONG CHOICE: Be my Escape by Relient K I am a hostage, To my own humanity. Self detained and forced to live in this mess I've made. And all I'm asking is for you to do what you can with me, But I can't ask you to give what you already gave. 'Cause I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity, And I've been locked inside that house, all the while you hold the key. And I've been dying to get out, and that might be the death of me, And even though, there's no way of knowing, where to go, Promise I'm going because.
  7. 12/JAN/2021 I had no choice but to get up today. After yesterday morning, I ended up sleeping the entire rest of the day off apparently, but today is Tuesday, and so I have work. After last week, I can't afford to miss another few days. I think I maybe figured out a plan. I could come home from work, grab my stuff, leave a note and go. It turns out I can't rent or buy any houses until I'm 18 without a consent from an adult, but.. that's fine, I can make do. I can just sleep around motels, and hey, now that I have my driving license, maybe if I can afford a cheap car, I
  8. 11/JAN/2021 It's not. It's really not. Rico is passed out on the sofa. Dexter can't wake him up, so he calls Lani. She comes here. She can't wake him up either. She says the best bet is to get him to a Hospital. This is it. This is exactly how it happened before, and exactly how it'll happen again. Something happening, followed by something going well, then suddenly it doesn't go well, and then it ends. Then it's over. All I can do is sit here. I can't focus. I can't see this again. I can't do this again. I can't go through this again. I can't. I can feel my
  9. 10/JAN/2021 (( As a note, I'd like to add that a week was time skipped between the last entry and this date. However, for the sake of long term consistency and my remaining sanity(?), the dates will remain listed as the date that the situation was roleplayed out on. )) This week has been shit.. The surgery went well, but he ended up having to stay in the entire time. Well, at least that was safe.. maybe that was the only sense of reassurance I had, but everything else feels so uneasy. For the first few days, I didn't leave the house aside for work. My mana
  10. Good luck! Looking forward to hearing more about this.
  11. 08/JAN/2021 It feels really weird sitting here with you again. I'm sorry it's been a while. Are you doing well? You probably know about everything that's been going on. You always had a sense for it. I know I've not exactly done stuff in the last few months that would've made you proud. I know I promised you that I'd take care of Mom, but I just couldn't. I let you down, I let her down and I let myself down. I've not forgiven myself for that yet, and I can't blame you if you haven't either. Look.. I need to ask you for something. It's okay if you say no, I'
  12. 07/JAN/2021 I can't sleep. It's ridiculously early in the morning. I've barely slept since that night at the bar. I know I need to talk about it, but I don't want to. I'm not sure I'm ready yet. But at the same time, what if I'm never ready? What if it's just something that I have to do? Fuck it.. I pick up my phone. I know that, out of all people, I probably need to speak to Rico about this, but I can't. He doesn't need it. I just want him to focus on himself without worrying about me, so.. maybe this is really the best option. Then again, Rico
  13. 04/JAN/2021 I fucked up everything. She just wouldn't shut up about it. How the fuck do you not realize when somebody very clearly doesn't want to talk about something? I shouldn't have even been there. Rico took me to a bar that he owns in the middle of town. I figured it'd maybe be okay there if I stayed hidden at the back, but I just couldn't. Is this really what my Mother used to be around all the time? It's like I can't even hear myself think, even though there's barely anybody here. I try sticking it out, but I just can't. It's the kick in of the fligh
  14. 03/JAN/2021 All I can see in me right now is her. The anger, the selfishness, the self centeredness; everything. Walking didn't help at all today. I can't count the minutes or distance I walked before I gave up. We're having good days, but everybody else is still the same, with only me that has changed. I don't get it. Rico has moved to doing chemotherapy at home. Both him and his brother keep reassuring me that he'll be okay, but no matter how many times either of them tell me, I can't seem to shake out the imaginary fact in my mind that he will die from t
  15. Welcome aboard! Already quite enjoying your roleplay from what we saw with that bar mishap the other night and I defo hope to see you around some more! Hope you enjoy your stay here.
  16. 01/JAN/2021 Happy New Year, I guess. It's almost a week since things changed. I still don't know what to do. I managed to land myself a part-time job at one of the fast food restaurants down in Del Perro. I'm not sure if they were just that desperate for staff or if the bruise still lingering around my eye won me sympathy points, but I start in a few days. I have training tomorrow, but for some reason it's at a God early time of 8am. I'm not sure if I've been up that early since I stopped going to school. Nonetheless, it's what I have to do, so I'll do it.
  17. 28/DEC/2020 I can't sleep. I don't even know what time it is. This has to be something I've brought upon him. It just has to be. If I had never showed up again, maybe all of this never would've happened. 「We can't go through this again, you know that.」 But what about him? How's he going to feel if I distance myself now? How much of an asshole does that make me? 「But what about yourself? He's going to die, Ellie, and there's nothing you can do. If you distance yourself now, when he dies you won't hurt anymore. This is for your own goo
  18. 27/DEC/2020 I never should've fucking come here. Today was supposed to be good. It was supposed to be happy. We were supposed to have the party all together. I knew it. I knew something was up the moment they took longer than 20 minutes to come out of that damned Hospital. When somebody says they won't be long and they end up taking ages, what are you supposed to fucking expect? It was too quiet. We rode back in silence. He didn't even come inside with us, he just said he "needed a minute". That was enough for me. I want to shut off and go to sle
  19. 26/DEC/2020 (PART III) Out of all the odds, one thing was in my favor today at least. It didn't seem that Rico was inside the coffee shop, so I thought maybe I'd wait outside until he shows up. Thankfully, I didn't find myself waiting long at all. 10 minutes later, there he is in front of me on his bike. I can't tell what he seemed more surprise about - the fact that I was standing there or the fact that the hit to my eye had become a little more evident than I had hoped for. Words can't describe how bad I feel for going practically MIA on him for weeks and
  20. 26/DEC/2020 (PART II) Right now, I'm sat in the back of some officer's cruiser. My eye hurts like hell. I was trying to make my way to the Hospital, see if I could find Rico's partner there. It's the only place I roughly know my way to from the new house. I can't remember where the other three places he showed me are. I can only just hope that she's there, and if not at least somebody knows who I'm talking about. Unfortunately, they don't. This officer went with me to check after having picked me up before I could even make it half-way to the destination.
  21. 26/DEC/2020 (PART I) She kicked me out. She wasn't even that drunk. She just kicked me out. We got into a stupid argument. What's worse is that it's all my fault. I was worried that she was going to start drinking more than what she was supposed to, so.. I started shouting at her. I told her that if she went back to how things were that I'd never forgive her. Then I said the worst thing I possibly could have at that moment. I screamed at her that I wished I had never come home. Then she started screaming back at me, running through the "do you k
  22. SONG CHOICE: True Faith cover by Ashley Johnson I feel so extraordinary, Something's got a hold on me. I got the feeling I'm in motion, A sudden sense of liberty. The chances are we've gone to far, You took my time and you took my money. And now I fear you've left me standing, In a world that's so demanding.
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