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Misuzu last won the day on January 9

Misuzu had the most liked content!

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About Misuzu

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    Ellie Montanari

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  1. 07/JAN/2021 I can't sleep. It's ridiculously early in the morning. I've barely slept since that night at the bar. I know I need to talk about it, but I don't want to. I'm not sure I'm ready yet. But at the same time, what if I'm never ready? What if it's just something that I have to do? Fuck it.. I pick up my phone. I know that, out of all people, I probably need to speak to Rico about this, but I can't. He doesn't need it. I just want him to focus on himself without worrying about me, so.. maybe this is really the best option. Then again, Rico
  2. 04/JAN/2021 I fucked up everything. She just wouldn't shut up about it. How the fuck do you not realize when somebody very clearly doesn't want to talk about something? I shouldn't have even been there. Rico took me to a bar that he owns in the middle of town. I figured it'd maybe be okay there if I stayed hidden at the back, but I just couldn't. Is this really what my Mother used to be around all the time? It's like I can't even hear myself think, even though there's barely anybody here. I try sticking it out, but I just can't. It's the kick in of the fligh
  3. Most Popular OwlGamer right here! ;)

  4. 03/JAN/2021 All I can see in me right now is her. The anger, the selfishness, the self centeredness; everything. Walking didn't help at all today. I can't count the minutes or distance I walked before I gave up. We're having good days, but everybody else is still the same, with only me that has changed. I don't get it. Rico has moved to doing chemotherapy at home. Both him and his brother keep reassuring me that he'll be okay, but no matter how many times either of them tell me, I can't seem to shake out the imaginary fact in my mind that he will die from t
  5. 01/JAN/2021 Happy New Year, I guess. It's almost a week since things changed. I still don't know what to do. I managed to land myself a part-time job at one of the fast food restaurants down in Del Perro. I'm not sure if they were just that desperate for staff or if the bruise still lingering around my eye won me sympathy points, but I start in a few days. I have training tomorrow, but for some reason it's at a God early time of 8am. I'm not sure if I've been up that early since I stopped going to school. Nonetheless, it's what I have to do, so I'll do it.
  6. 28/DEC/2020 I can't sleep. I don't even know what time it is. This has to be something I've brought upon him. It just has to be. If I had never showed up again, maybe all of this never would've happened. 「We can't go through this again, you know that.」 But what about him? How's he going to feel if I distance myself now? How much of an asshole does that make me? 「But what about yourself? He's going to die, Ellie, and there's nothing you can do. If you distance yourself now, when he dies you won't hurt anymore. This is for your own goo
  7. 27/DEC/2020 I never should've fucking come here. Today was supposed to be good. It was supposed to be happy. We were supposed to have the party all together. I knew it. I knew something was up the moment they took longer than 20 minutes to come out of that damned Hospital. When somebody says they won't be long and they end up taking ages, what are you supposed to fucking expect? It was too quiet. We rode back in silence. He didn't even come inside with us, he just said he "needed a minute". That was enough for me. I want to shut off and go to sle
  8. 26/DEC/2020 (PART III) Out of all the odds, one thing was in my favor today at least. It didn't seem that Rico was inside the coffee shop, so I thought maybe I'd wait outside until he shows up. Thankfully, I didn't find myself waiting long at all. 10 minutes later, there he is in front of me on his bike. I can't tell what he seemed more surprise about - the fact that I was standing there or the fact that the hit to my eye had become a little more evident than I had hoped for. Words can't describe how bad I feel for going practically MIA on him for weeks and
  9. 26/DEC/2020 (PART II) Right now, I'm sat in the back of some officer's cruiser. My eye hurts like hell. I was trying to make my way to the Hospital, see if I could find Rico's partner there. It's the only place I roughly know my way to from the new house. I can't remember where the other three places he showed me are. I can only just hope that she's there, and if not at least somebody knows who I'm talking about. Unfortunately, they don't. This officer went with me to check after having picked me up before I could even make it half-way to the destination.
  10. 26/DEC/2020 (PART I) She kicked me out. She wasn't even that drunk. She just kicked me out. We got into a stupid argument. What's worse is that it's all my fault. I was worried that she was going to start drinking more than what she was supposed to, so.. I started shouting at her. I told her that if she went back to how things were that I'd never forgive her. Then I said the worst thing I possibly could have at that moment. I screamed at her that I wished I had never come home. Then she started screaming back at me, running through the "do you k
  11. 25/DEC/2020 Even though this will be our third Christmas without Dad, it still feels weird. Not necessarily because he isn't here, but because it's 10am and Mum hasn't cracked open a single bottle of alcohol yet. We ended up moving into James' apartment a few days after Mum and I spoke. She said she wanted to make sure I was comfortable with her again before we brought somebody else into the picture. I managed to convince her to take the reclining chair in the end, but it's sat in the corner of my room so she doesn't have to keep walking past it everyday. I've not been
  12. 07/DEC/2020 As cliche as it sounds, waking up the next morning still feels like it isn't real. After Mum stopped hugging me, we both went indoors. She insisted on checking me over, so she found the pads that Rico's partner put on my knees yesterday. She wasn't too happy and kept asking me how I got them, but I was too tired to feel like explaining, so we both just decided we'd go to bed, talk about it today instead. I'm not exactly looking forward to it, but if it'll avoid an argument for a while.. so be it. One of the things Mum mentioned is that the lan
  13. 06/DEC/2020 I wake up the next morning feeling better than I have in a while. It's still cold, but I was at least warmer. Nonetheless, I feel a bit guilty at one fact: I never did get his name. I want to get moving as soon as possible, but I should probably take my time with this. For a while, I just keep lying there, but it isn't long until I feel the need to move anyway to get some more warmth going. I take my phone out of my backpack and, to much relief, it turns on. I watch the screen as it flickers back on - a sight I haven't seen in so long. It doesn't take more
  14. 05/DEC/2020 I'm going home. That's it. I made up my mind. I can't stay like this wandering how long it'll be before something good shows up. If I pass the soup kitchen on the way and, not to mention if it's even open this time of night, I'll check and make sure Rae isn't back yet. But if she isn't, home is my only place left now. Even if I die walking back like this, I could at least maybe say I tried. My biggest problem other than the fact that I'm not sure I'll make it? I don't know where I'm going. 'Just look for the tall buildings' is what I always used
  15. 04/DEC/2020 I can barely move. The snow started hitting hard yesterday. It's the worst it's been in ages and it's everywhere. Several times I've woken up with my face half-stuck to either a wall or a industrial trash bin.. I can't bare myself to lay down on the floor. It's freezing. I'm out of most of the supplies Rae had given me, but I still have the socks and hat at least. I'm scared one morning I'll wake up and not be able to get up at all and just lie there waiting to die.. fully awake and aware. If I'm going to die, I've always said I don't want to be aware of it.
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