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Luigikuik

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Everything posted by Luigikuik

  1. *Bruce Dewitt enters the courtroom and walks over to the defendant desk.*
  2. Generic clickbait From a SAAN representative San Andreas Action News is back for one last publishmentt. Since today is the epic Finale hosted by John Harlend and Wolfcub in an event presented by Harlend Who, Team Wolfcub and SAAN, I thought that I would release my 5 best facts about SAAN. Be sure to visit the event or else you will miss out on the only event that has ever mattered in this City. Like who doesn't want to be a millionaire. A SAAN representative will be present and has thought up ten questions for the participants. These questions will be about the company and the CEO. Check out Team Wolfcub's site if you want to know more about the event, because I have been mostly been in the dark about it. Also if you think that SAAN has been terminated then you are right. The company itself doesn't exist anymore, however Gaston is too much of a retard to stop paying for hosting of the site. Also no one changed the password of the admin account. Without any further ado five facts about SAAN that most people don't know I guess. Fact #1 San Andreas Action News is actually a Belgian Based company. Thanks to the magic of the internet we could operate in San Andreas while technically being from a small nation in Europe. This has to do with Gaston Faubert living in Belgium. Those who, for some reason, could see where the site is hosted from, would notice that SAAN.news is being hosted from Amsterdam in the Netherlands. For some reason. Fact #2 CEO Bruce Dewitt was once almost assassinated. The article about it has unfortunately been deleted by hackers in the big hack attack of 2016. It was the last article made in 2016 before Bruce quit the company. In short, he was driving his Ford Taurus SHO 2014 around while he noticed that a masked female on a motorbike following him around. He did the famous 8 turn and noticed that she was still behind him. Bruce searched for the nearest police officer and found 4 police cars parked behind a traffic violator. He parked his car next to the police car and asked for help with his stalker. The police officer told him to bug off, but before he could finish his sentence the stalker opened fire with an Uzi on Bruce sitting in his Ford Taurus SHO 2014. Bruce was unhurt but his Ford Taurus SHO 2014 was completely made into Swiss cheese. The attacker didn't survive the police onslaught. Fact #3 Several Original series were planned for SAAN but never actually got made. This include Ghetto talk, Action Fishing, Captain Dewitt and Myth Hunters. Ghetto talk was where Gaston Faubert would go to Idlewood and ask the locals questions or something. Action Fishing was a few episode series where the SAAN team would go fishing, but due to a storm, strand on a island and have to fight for a way back home against the natives. Captain Dewitt was that Bruce would take rappers out for fishing and interview them while fishing. Myth hunters started as a ghost hunting show but that would be boring very fast. I have the actual script with me and it was pretty good. It has Bigfoot, Loch Ness, Random ghost as myths but also the off duty cop and the law abiding RS Haul driver. Fact #4 San Andreas Action News used to be called Los Santos Action News and was founded on the Twenty-fifth of January 2015. Making it older than San Andreas Network. Bruce Dewitt wasn't involved with the company during this period. The around one week lifespan of this company was enough for Gaston to try again with San Andreas Action News a year later Fact #5 Bruce Dewitt was never meant to be a journalist. Bruce Dewitt was hired to be an actor for Memewatch, since he was unemployed and wasted his life with memes. Jason Schultz was the person who wanted to do news and made the SAAN template that was later edited by Bruce and everyone had to use. Bruce was later convinced by Jason to write articles as well. There was actually a documentary in the make for the complete history of SAAN but since it disbanded abruptly and without reason it was never finished. SAAN.news
  3. Name: B.Dewitt Comment: Center text reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
  4. Name: Destroyer 12 Comment: I wonder who will represent SAAN since Bruce is in prison lmao
  5. Why are we here? Just to suffer?

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. croozerdog

      croozerdog

      Don't come back please no one likes u

    3. GamerX27
    4. TheNeonGuy

      TheNeonGuy

      Every night, I can feel my leg... and my arm... even my fingers. The body I've lost... the comrades I've lost... won't stop hurting... It's like they're all still there. You feel it, too, don't you @Luigikuik? I'm gonna make them give back our past!-...

  6. Name: B.Dewitt Comment: Great work as always
  7. We had a good run everyone. Special shout out to @FAILCAKEZ for being the number one fan and @DrJoseEviI for putting Bruce in Harlend Who from time to time. Also @JameZ for being the best lawyer and leaking DPS information. All the employees that worked with SAAN were also useful I guess. Now y'all can proceed to press F in the chat.
  8. The final article From Bruce Dewitt ''And now, the end is near and so I face the final curtain'', Sang Frank Sinatra in his famous song ''My way''. Today on the seventeenth of November it is exactly half a year and seven days ago since I rebooted SAAN, but to all good things must come an end. Today is the end of San Andreas Action News. I have decided to terminate the company due to personal circumstances and will be leaving Los Santos once this article is posted. When i was asked to reboot SAAN back in May I was unsure if I would do it. I got talking into it anyway and when I announced the return of SAAN I got mixed responses. But after a few articles I received enough attention and love from the readers to give me the motivation to continue. And now 73 articles later I sit here announcing my retirement. I want to thank you, my reader for sticking with me all this time. To read past my horrible grammar and my sometimes failed attempts of humor. My occasional mistakes in articles because the PD would not reveal information or I just misunderstood it. I hope that I have done the city of Los Santos a service and that people enjoyed it. Thank you for letting me do it my way. Yes it was my way.
  9. Stop breaking into my properties From the SAAN news desk ''Hope they don't drink my milk.'', said our reporter to another bystander, waiting for the swat to arrest the burglars. Burglaries have been a real plague in Los Santos for some time now. You can't find a street where none of the houses have at least some signs of break ins. Vinewood, Marina, East LS, even large companies have to deal with people destroying their cameras and picking their locks. One of our reporter had his garage. On the second of November the robbers came back for more. Our reporter drove out of his garage when he noticed his front door closing. He was confused because he didn't expect anyone to visit. A minute later the police arrived on the scene and informed our reporter that burglars had indeed trigger the alarm. They urged the burglars to surrender and face the consequences. Instead of facing their decisions like men they barricaded themselves in the property. They were armed with semi-automatic weapons for some reason. Swat arrived on the scene and tried to get them out of the building. They tried to gas them out but the burglars had gas masks with them. The swat charged into the building with an armored car and a shootout occurred. The burglars fired at the swat and the swat fired back. The burglars somehow found the time to eat all the frozen chicken in the freezer before throwing milk bottles at the officers. After two and a half hours and more than 500 bullet holes later, the burglars got neutralized and only one of the swat was badly injured. The reason why the burglars took gas masks and semi-automatic weapons to a simple burglary is a mystery. Why they rather faced certain death than being trialed for breaking and entering is also unknown. Want more SAAN? click here. http://saan.news
  10. Bombing in Los Santos From the SAAN news desk ''What the fuck happened?!'', shouted a bystander after hearing gunshots and explosions. On the thirtieth of October our reporter stopped at a scene where officer Justin Stars was arresting a person. Since almost nothing has happened the past few days he decided to stick around. Suddenly two men dressed as Batman showed up and started shooting at officer Stars and the people near him. Two of the people near officer Stars were FBI agents and returned fire at the attackers. One of the batmen took out a grenade and threw it at officer Stars who was already shot a few times. The blast killed officer Stars and one of the attackers at the spot. Tnree bystanders got injured with one in a critical condition. The other police officers arrived in a record time and chased after one of the attackers that ran after the blast. He did not go very far before getting turned into Swiss Cheese. A lot of people were panicking and more and more officers showed up. Multiple ambulances arrived on the scene to help the wounded. The police car was completely destroyed by the grenade. Luckily with the police's quick reaction none of the attackers could get away. The motive of the attackers is unknown and some speculate that they were terrorists trying to take down police officers. Want more SAAN? click here saan.news
  11. Anti rice protest From the SAAN news desk ''Ricers are donkeys, remember that.'', said a man actively trying to get rid people he saw as ricers. On the twenty-second of October our reporter almost got ran over by a man who was driving a box van. He parked his van right in front of the Pizza Stack building even though multiple people were standing there. He stated that he had to do a delivery, however the people were furious about almost being ran over. He left Stacks after a while to trap a modded car in the pay and spray with his van. He told our reporter that ricers hurt us and our kids, therefor someone had to stop the ricers. The man trapped inside the pay and spray demanded to be let go and the box van guy would release him if he payed ten dollars. A police officer showed up and resolved the issue for the moment by ordering the guy to move his box van, to which he did. Soon after the officer left he returned to the entrance of the pay and spray and stood there alone, once again blocking the entrance. A larger crowd now wanted him gone and tried to reason with him. He kept shouting that ricers had to go since they hurt people. The same officer returned and was now a bit frustrated. She gave the man one last warning to stop blocking the way for everyone or else he would be arrested. The man left the scene and returned when the police officer left. He now placed a chair in front of the entrance and sat down. The officer returned and was disappointed in the man that didn't learn his lesson. She arrested him and his chair was lynched by an angry mob. Want more saan? click here. saan.news
  12. Briefcase 6 is ready From the SAAN briefcase desk Well the special 20k worth briefcase had been found by someone right before I was going to post a second hint. The briefcase was located in Verona Mall since all the briefcases originate from there. Some people thought it was in Grove for some reason and someone asked me if it was behind the SAAN HQ since that would mean it was home for SAAN. Anyway the sixth briefcase has already been hidden by the special briefcase department of SAAN. The hint for this one is, eat fresh. Take a picture of you and the briefcase on the spot where you found it. Send it to [email protected] ((forum PM)). Get invited to the SAAN HQ to collect your 10 grand. Good luck everyone!
  13. Interview with county commissioner Nicholas Howard From the SAAN news desk For some time now the county government has been under fire by the public for questionable decisions. People are calling it fraud and urge the people involved to step down. There were rumors going around of Nicholas Howard resigning his position. Commissioner Howard has always been involved with the people of Los Santos in the form of public appearances and funding events. One of our reporter asked him for an interview and he happily accepted. Here below is the sound file of the interview. Want more SAAN? click here saan.news
  14. Name: B.Dewitt Comment: The briefcase has been found. A new one will be placed next week. Good luck hunting next week.
  15. Everyone that has a car that goes above 120 km/h is a ricer.
  16. Name: B.Dewitt Comment: This is by far the best show that has ever been made. Especially the acting of that reporter was superb.
  17. John Man ready to lead Los Santos From the SAAN news desk ''Just say oh john mans running again'', said John Man to our reporter when he was asked what he was doing at Pizza Stack. On the twelfth of October the people at Pizza stack got blessed by the second coming of John Man. He announced to the world that he will be running for County Commissioner in the next elections. He has assembled a great staff already. He has the help of Huw Edwards, CEO of the largest company of Los Santos. Huw Edwards will be in charge of funding his campaign as he is the owner of Dinoco. John's legal advisor is Scott Murphy the old Chief of Police. And he hired a local from Idlewood to be his personal Chef. The name of this person is not important. From right to left: Scott Murphy, Huw Edwards, John Man and local fat man John Man ran for commissioner in the last election, but his name wasn't on the ballot. He was disappointed about this but is convinced that with the support of the people and the money from Huw he will win the next election. We from SAAN are happy to see the return of one of Los Santos most influential people to the lives of the people of stacks. Hopefully he will be on the ballot this time. Want more SAAN? click here. saan.news
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